Elsa Kurt

Finding Beauty in the Imperfections of Life Elsa Kurt

I was always a shy child. Introverted at best, and reclusive at worst. My comfort zone consisted of books, nature, and small doses of friends. My family-in my child's eyes perception-was extroverted and often larger than life. I remember being amazed and even envious of their apparent ease and comfort at socializing, whereas I struggled with what to say and how to say it. I studied and practiced facial expressions in the mirror to make sure I didn't look stupid when I spoke. I strove for the ever elusive perfect. This obsession with perfection consumed me. I couldn't draw or write something without crumpling it up repeatedly and starting over again and again. I hated eating in front of people for fear of having food in my teeth. The thought of ridicule or laughter at my expense haunted me. Why was I like this? I didn't know, and mostly because I was too afraid to ask anyone. No one really noticed anything more than an abhorrence to greetings and goodbyes, and a typical shyness many children exhibit. I wasn't a squeaky wheel-a difficult child, a handful-I was sweet and quiet. These were the days before labels like ADD, Social Anxiety, Sensory Issues, and so on. I was just a quirky, quiet kid who stayed out of the way. To be honest, I'm glad it was so. My humble opinion is we're an overmedicated country. A pill for everything, then another to counteract the first one, then another... No thank you. I grew up in the toughen up or shut up era (not that that's entirely right, either). Over the years, I've done bits of both. I shut up for a really, really long time, and I also began to toughen up. In everything, there are lessons. Here's what I learned from all of it. Imperfection is relatable. Our worries and fears, hopes and dreams are all essentially the same at their core. We all want love, acceptance, understanding, compassion. We want people to see past our imperfections, through our veneers, under our skin, and into our hearts, and we're also afraid of letting them. But hopefully, you already know-amazing things can happen when you let them in. Yes, you can and will be hurt, I certainly have. And that's a good thing, too...